The Tangents of Carsenio St. Hubbins

One thing Carsenio St. Hubbins does extremely well is go off on tangents. It is how his brain operates, his speech is reflective of it and anyone who has been on a road trip with him knows the joy of finding points C, D, E, F and G well off the beaten path from the trip from point A to point B.

While his tangents can occur at anytime, they most often occur when he is making a point about one thing, says something profound and it is like a floodgate opens- tangents aplenty come flying out. For example, Carsenio was asked why he didn't submit any postings to this blog during the year of 2011. He began to explain his reasons when suddenly he felt compelled to share how he pioneered Gastrosynchronization- the training of one's bowels to go number two at the same time each day regardless of whether it is Daylight Savings or not (10:24am Mountain Time is his scheduled time). He then explained the intricacies with getting his bowels trained, challenges of keeping a clear schedule during that critical time, and related the painful failures and blowouts he experienced along the way.

As he was expounding on this tangent, he suddenly discoursed on the difficulty of finding a decent public restroom. He warned against restrooms at all J.C. Penney stores due to issues with the poorly constructed toilet paper they provide there. In his exact words, "it took me two times longer to clean up than it did for me to make the mess. These things should not be!" He then recounted various experiences had at public restrooms around this country, compared them with British "loos" and expressed satisfaction at trying a coin operated self cleaning restroom in the middle of a shopping center during his time in Wales. "It was magical," he said.

The above is just one example of his tangents. Interestingly, over ninety percent of the time, St. Hubbins does return to his original subject but it can be hours, days or even months before he does this. His mind is able to recall those deviations, who they occurred with and seek to bring everything full circle eventually. For example, St. Hubbins had gone on a camping trip with some friends and on the first day had mentioned the rock band Rush and how amazing they are. The conversation quickly veered off track and Carsenio was unable to speak his complete peace regarding the brilliance of Rush. For days they made fun of other bands, quoted favorite lines from movies, discoursed on the follies of American foreign policy since Woodrow Wilson's presidency, marveled at the beauties that surrounded them, and discussed the dangers of boy bands to the fragile fabric of society. One week later, when they were nearly home, Carsenio quickly said, "getting back to Rush, they are so amazingly brilliant it is sick!" To his friends, St. Hubbins came out of left field for that, but it was another coming full circle for St. Hubbins. He started the thought one week before and closed it when he felt moved upon to do so. Carsenio is a huge fan of the comedian Steven Wright who once said, "I wish the first word I ever said was the word 'quote' so right before I die I could say 'unquote.'" St. Hubbins is trying to close those circles no matter how long it takes.

Even as this post is being written, St. Hubbins wishes to mention how he came to calculate the percentage of his tangent closings. It was part of an article he started, entitled "Anthropological Studies I Performed On Myself." He will one day finish the work, but the tangents he created during that article must first be sealed in due time so this work can finally be completed. In an effort to bring one tangent from the article full circle, even though he is the only one who has seen the article/tangent, St. Hubbins wishes to inform everyone that wolves have made a huge comeback since they were introduced back into the Yellowstone ecosystem and he predicts that the time will come when their populations will spread into the mountains further away, perhaps to the very Wasatch Mountains St. Hubbins loves so much.

You may have seen tangents in the previous postings on this blog. Rest assured that in his own time and in his own way, Carsenio St. Hubbins will come back on topic eventually. He knows himself too well to doubt it. His memory is too keen and trivial to let such tangents continue into infinity. He will right the ship eventually. Speaking of ships, the captain of that Italian cruise liner shouldn't have righted his ship- he should have turned left ("lefting" his ship) and avoided colliding with the shallow reef that eventually cost the lives of many vacation goers. That of course, is another subject entirely...

St. Hubbins Does Facebook

Carsenio St. Hubbins hasn't ever seen the need to follow trends or be the first to try something new. He finds it too expensive. Letting someone else spend the money or make the mistake is preferable to him. As a plus, Carsenio gets to observe some striking fashion horrors and often gets a laugh from it. One can image how he felt when social networking came along.

When MySpace came around and was all the rage, Carsenio St. Hubbins observed from a distance. He found many aspects of the pages he saw very annoying, such as repetitive songs the users loaded as their page soundtrack. Hearing the same thing over and over again while on the page reminded St. Hubbins of the time the Muzak broke at one of his former jobs and he was stuck with the same horrific five song cycle for eight hours. He is still overcoming the mental trauma!

Facebook came along and all of a sudden, people were ditching MySpace in droves. Facebook seemed to be a better, less annoying idea, until his friends started getting bombarded with Mafia Wars and Farmville invitations. Not wanting to be poked, prodded, invited to be in a Mafia, or otherwise annoyed, St. Hubbins elected not to join at that juncture.

Twitter came along and people started Tweeting. Upon hearing what the site was called, St. Hubbins immediately envisioned masses of people going potty in their pants- his definition of tweeting. To this day when he hears about celebrities tweeting when they arrive at places, St. Hubbins keeps wondering if they brought extra underwear. Twitter is a site Carsenio still doesn't understand, so he will not be joining in the Tweeting madness- he doesn't want to have to carry extra underwear wherever he goes.

Today, Carsenio St. Hubbins is pleased to announce his joining the social networking world. He now has a Facebook profile. His friend list will likely be small, as many don't understand or appreciate his exploits and views. When asked if he was concerned about privacy on Facebook, he simply said, "What I post on there, although it will be the truth, will be too outrageous for anyone to believe. Besides, I'm not worried about Mark Zuckerberg knowing I like Sharpies, napkins, and tinfoil wrapped cucumbers. Whomever can profit from that information, I wish them well."

One need only speculate of what will happen now that St. Hubbins is part of the social networking world. His only word of advice for people is to watch what they post, because his off the wall comments may follow. His wall posts will be St. Hubbins at his best. It is a rare thing for Carsenio St. Hubbins to stick with anything for too long, so we don't know how long he'll last on Facebook. Rest assured, the time he does spend will be more than worth it.

From the Archives of St. Hubbins Volume 1

Recently an unfinished document written around the time of Halloween 2010 was discovered and relayed to me (Matt Macey) by our beloved friend St. Hubbins. While it is not anywhere near Halloween, I was authorized to release this lost volume from the St. Hubbins Archives. It is incomplete and gratefully I was given what to say on a very large napkin. The Sharpie ink was still fresh from the hand of the man himself. Enjoy!

"Carsenio St. Hubbins is a solitary fellow. He's never been one to linger in one place for long; he is restless. Although he doesn't appear in person very often, it doesn't mean he hides out in one place. He has an impressive portfolio of real estate holdings dotting the land, which he moves between at various times of the year. His main compound, called "Hubbinswood," is a safe haven located in a yet to be disclosed rural setting away from the hustle and bustle of the city. He also has a compound in Colorado City, Arizona which he uses to scientifically observe Polygamists in their native habitat.

To blend in, St. Hubbins has had to keep the exteriors of the various buildings on the property unfinished in order to fit with the other seemingly unfinished buildings in the town. He affectionately calls the property "Carsenio's Tax Shelter," as it turns out the unfinished building look in the town is the natives' way to evade taxes. As the photo below demonstrates, fitting in has forced him to alter his wardrobe significantly and to alter his mullet to a grey pioneer style hairdo to blend in. St Hubbins finds it an enjoyable place to film his own BBC-style documentary "St. Hubbins Amongst the Polygamists" which will be coming soon to a station near you. Fortunately his presence among them has so far gone undetected and his facial hair sadly fit right in with the other women in town. He has grown tired of being hit on by Warren Jeffs, but that is another story altogether.

Recently, Carsenio St. Hubbins emerged from his solitary existence to make his annual Halloween appearance. Onlookers noticed his trademark unkempt mullet, aviator sunglasses, red bandanna, well worn Van Halen concert T-Shirt and his black guitar. This year though, many noticed that St. Hubbins arms were covered with tattoos. Could it be that St. Hubbins got ink?
Not exactly.
Carsenio St. Hubbins has been faced with a moral dilemma for some time - he could attempt to be a non-inked wannabe butt rocker or be a more legit looking wannabe butt rocker by sporting ink. One thing is unequivocal in his moral code: he is not a proponent of putting permanent marks on his body. He was once quoted referring to himself in third-person as saying, "Carsenio St. Hubbins is not a proponent of putting permanent marks on his body- it is an unequivocal statute of his moral code." St. Hubbins did however acknowledge that those who sport ink have more legitimacy in looking like butt rockers than those who don't. His exact quote was , "St. Hubbins acknowledges that those who sport ink have more legitimacy in looking like butt rockers than those who don't." To aid his legitimacy, he attempted to give himself temporary ink by using his beloved Sharpie magic markers, but found it difficult to ink those hard to reach places on the back of his arms. Believing himself to be a clever artist, St. Hubbins didn't dare let someone else color on him lest they color outside the lines and make him look childish. Likewise, he didn't feel like he could afford temporary tattoos as he was flat out of quarters when he walked by the vending machine that sold them. Besides, he didn't feel like Spongebob Squarepants or Elmo temporary tats would have helped him look legitimate had he been able to buy them. Imagine his relief when he found out about a way to have the look without the permanent inking!

Carsenio St. Hubbins will be forever grateful to his beautiful fiancee' (now his wife) who told him about a revolution in temporary tattooing. As it turns out, you can go to a costume store and buy mesh sleeves with tattoo imprints on them. St. Hubbins had no idea this kind of technology existed! He was elated to say the least. In his own words, "Carsenio St. Hubbins is elated to say the least!" All he had to do was put the sleeves on and bam- he had rock credibility in a way he never had before.

His joy was short lived, however, when the sleeves kept rolling up. It was an exercise in high maintenance to keep his ink from getting crinkled up. Looking at his wrinkled sleeves at one point, St. Hubbins said, "Look at these blumin' tats, St. Hubbins' arms look like the arms of a tattooed old woman who went saggy and wrinkly." On top of the constant rolling up, Carsenio found the mesh sleeves an irritant to his sensitive skin. He figures he lost a thousand or so arm hairs that night as well- some of which are still embedded in the fibers of the mesh that turned out to be not so revolutionary as he thought. "Revolting is a more fitting word, not revolutionary," Carsenio said.

St. Hubbins believes tattoos are a mistake- they are so permanent. He acknowledges that not all people feel the same way he does. He was quoted as saying, "St. Hubbins acknowledges that not all people feel the same way St. Hubbins does about tattoos. Some find great joy in them and I wish those people the very best when they realize it was a huge mistake later in life and want to get them removed." Carsenio also believes fake tattoos like the sleeves he bought are a mistake. "It's all fine and good when you first get the fake ink- you feel cool and empowered and you don't have to use a laser to take them off at the end of the night. Then the sleeves roll up and pinch your skin, rip your arm hair off and turn your furry arms into smooth un-Hubbinish appendages. These things should not be!"

Perhaps someday the technology will exist to create a fake tattoo sleeve that is not made of a skin irritant. Until that time, Carsenio St. Hubbins will continue to roll without ink. He only hopes that he will continue to be respected and feared as a legitimate rock powerhouse without having to get ink to give himself more credibility. Until next time, St. Hubbins shall return to Carsenio's Tax Shelter in Colorado City and see what the natives are up to without Warren Jeffs around. This may well prove fascinating!"

Catching up with St. Hubbins

When last we left Carsenio St. Hubbins in September of last year, he was plotting the extermination of all pigeons in an effort to have a shinier car. He can hardly believe it has been nearly a year since he last posted his thoughts on this page. When reminded of his lack of posting on this blog, Carsenio very nearly said "shame on me" but then he remembered he doesn't believe in shame.
Getting back to the Shiny Car Initiative, St. Hubbins has not pursued any of his plans for pigeon eradication. He may one day move forward with his scheme, but for now he is going to put it on the back burner. Rather, he has opted to brief us with a list of what he has been doing the past several months:

"What I Have Been Doing the Past Several Months
by Carsenio St. Hubbins

• Rocked out hardcore! (October 2009)
• Traveled to Alaska to feed on Salmon and build up enough fat and protein to carry me through the winter as step 1 of my Hibernation Initiative. (October 2009)
• Dressed up like Matt Macey for Halloween- people told me I looked so clever with my short hair wig, pastel colored Polo shirt, jeans and New Balance trail running sneakers. (October 2009)
• Rocked out hardcore! (November 2009)
• Experienced sore joints due to excessive weight gain caused by massive salmon consumption the month previous. Took two Advil for the pain. (November 2009)
• Ate lots of Turkey at Thanksgiving in hopes the Tryptophan would bring on drowsiness, enabling me to enact step 2 of my Hibernation Initiative. Step 2 was listed as "Hibernate" (November 2009)
• Still awake on the day after Thanksgiving, avoided all the retail stores while plotting my next Holiday adventure. (November 2009)
• Rocked out hardcore!! (December 2009)
• Attended counseling with a Failed Hibernation Specialist who helped me realize being awake through the winter might actually be good for me. (December 2009)
• Wished for Peace on Earth and Goodwill to all Men (December 2009)
• Celebrated Christmas in a very Christian way at the local Jewish Community Center (December 2009)
• Decided to also celebrate Christmas at the local Mosque (December 2009)
• Celebrated New Years while in hiding from Islamic Extremists who were unhappy with my gift of a Christmas Tree to the local cleric. (January 2010)
• Rocked out hardcore in an undisclosed location!!! (January 2010)
• Emerged from hiding after arranging for a cartoon that was very complementary of the Prophet Mohammed to be published in a Dutch newspaper. (February 2010)
  
• Celebrated "Single Awareness Day" on February 14th by rocking out hardcore!!!! (February 2010)
• Contemplated getting snow tires as I kept spinning out when driving in the snow (February 2010)
• March Madness- didn't really watch it, too busy rocking out hardcore!!!!!! (March 2010)
• Celebrated St. Patrick's Day by wearing a green shirt which said "I'm Not Irish, and I'm Not Wearing Green Because of Your Holiday. I Wear Green to Hide a Medical Condition" (March 2010)
• Celebrated April Fools by playing jokes on everyone on the last day of March (March 2010)
• Happy Birthday St. Hubbins! (April 2010)
• Rocked out Hardcore!!!! (April 2010)
• Took a lovely stroll in the park trying to get hay fever from the pollen- it didn't work, so I had to go to work instead of calling in sick (April 2010)
• Still contemplated getting snow tires on my car in light of the April snow showers I kept spinning out in (April 2010)
• Noticed the May flowers were all killed by the April show showers (May 2010)
• Had a realization that had I hibernated through the winter I would have really had to pee when I woke up in the spring- was grateful I didn't hibernate. Celebrated by rocking out hardcore! (May 2010)
• Went north to the Tetons intending to take a picture of a bear and an eagle fighting over a fish. (June 2010)
• Sought solace in Jackson Hole after failing to get my picture of the eagle and bear fighting over a fish- looked up and saw a statue of that exact thing (June 2010)
• Celebrated by rocking out hardcore!!!!! (June 2010)
• After witnessing mass flooding due to accelerated spring snowmelt, felt really glad I didn't hibernate, as my post-hibernation bathroom session would have tripled the amount of spring runoff and wiped out half the city (June 2010)
  
• Happy 4th of July America, celebrated by blowing up a portion of this great land with fireworks obtained in Kabul Afghanistan. (July 2010)
• Traveled to Evanston, Wyoming to quell an uprising of angry fireworks dealers who were offended their sales dropped drastically this 4th of July when I opted to buy Afghan fireworks instead of their Chinese made bottle rockets. (July 2010)
• Rocked out hardcore!!!!!! (July 2010)
• Fell in love with a beautiful woman and wrote a very Un-St. Hubbinish song having been inspired by her. It was Un-St. Hubbinish in that it had no distortion, and it did not suck. (August 2010)
• Finally got those snow tires! (August 2010)
  
• The song was well received which prompted me to rock out hardcore!!!!!!! (August 2010)
• Read a pamphlet entitled "Long Lists and You; Why You Should Write One." Celebrated by rocking out hardcore, then putting this list on several napkins and submitting it for posting on this blog. (August 2010)"

As you can see, St. Hubbins has been a busy man! With all the rocking out hardcore, it is easy to see why he couldn't kill any pigeons. As Carsenio St. Hubbins now says, "Why worry about shiny cars when you can rock out hardcore while being in love?" Truly St. Hubbins is growing up; is the world ready?

St. Hubbins and the Shiny Car Initiative

Carsenio St. Hubbins has finally found his cause. In his previous posting, St. Hubbins was considering a life of political and social activism as a means of legitimizing his attempts at rock stardom. Devotees to this blog (or at least to the previous entry) will recall his desire to avoid any mainstream causes. As a result of this, he will not be doing anything pertaining to Africa, Polar Bears, Autism or other causes which either already have ample representation from the mainstream rock community or would get him invited to hang with the other Trendees at an Obama celebration. For the definition of Trendee, see the note at the end of the posting. After careful deliberation, St. Hubbins has declared his cause. From henceforth it shall be known as the "Shiny Car Initiative."

The origins of the Shiny Car Initiative are based on an agonizing experience which St. Hubbins unintentionally walked into. As he parked his car for work last week, Carsenio had no idea he had parked in a pigeon-heavy zone. Upon returning to his car after a day of fun at work, he was upset to see not just one bird-turd on his car, but upwards of ten to fifteen turds. He honestly could not number the turds as looking at them was quite painful (and nauseating) for him. Noticing the guilty parties were nowhere in sight, Carsenio was resigned to stew over the humiliation he would face driving home with a car covered in bird poo. As he shamefully commuted home, St. Hubbins realized he had found his cause- if the offending pigeons would have been eradicated previously, his car would still be shiny and he would not have to be sunken so deeply in his drivers seat (it was getting hard to see the road so great was his shame). Thus, it was determined the driving force behind the Shiny Car Initiative would be pigeon extermination.

Just like he has done with previous public stances, St. Hubbins hasn't bothered to consider the negative ramifications the Shiny Car Initiative could cause if enacted fully. He chooses not to consider any negative ramifications because when he commits to a particular side of an issue in the world of St. Hubbins, there are no negative ramifications. In his world, St. Hubbins views things mathematically. Carsenio's equations for the Shiny Car Initiative could be defined as follows:
Pigeons=Poop.
Poop + St. Hubbins' Car=Commuter Humiliation.
A Shiny Car=No Commuter Humiliation.
Therefore, No Pigeons=No Poop and thus, a Shiny Car.

St. Hubbins could care less that pigeons are not the only flying poopers out there, they just happen to be the ones who really make him mad. He has long considered pigeons to be the equivalent of flying rats. During his time in England and Wales, Carsenio noted how many of the town centres he visited were overrun with one particular type of winged fowl- pigeons. On the window ledge outside of one of his flats in England, there was a large assortment of pigeons as well as the same mementos they would later leave on his car. Conveniently at that time, St. Hubbins had a pellet gun. One might say he has already attempted pigeon eradication. It worked quite well, so Carsenio St. Hubbins can proudly declare to the whole world that he knows the Shiny Car Initiative will succeed.

As his previous posting closed with a non-specific political statement, St. Hubbins has authorized me to release a more specific (yet still somewhat non-specific) statement:
"Every unspecified time period, uncounted numbers of people have to deal with unsightly, unshiny cars. While many of them are just too lazy to wash their cars, a portion of these peoples' automobiles are tainted by uncleanliness from above- pigeon crap. Failure on our part to stop pigeon crap could be disastrous to anyone having to drive home with a dirty car and could lead to traffic accidents due to obstructed visibility due to smudged pigeon feces which the windshield wipers could not remove. I pledge to do my part to be more active in stopping pigeon crap by eradicating as many pigeons as I can. Together, we or just I can initiate shinier cars and safer roads by killing the pigeons. Thus, I am pleased to announce the formation of the Shiny Car Initiative to enact this positive social change. By pledging to this initiative you will be helping usher human society into a brave new world- a world without pigeons and all their crap. Thank you for your support, Carsenio St. Hubbins."

Further details will no doubt emerge as St. Hubbins thinks of them. For now, just take his word for it that this is going to be the coolest cause ever- until Carsenio finds something else more attractive to occupy his time with.

NOTE: As mentioned way at the top of this posting, a definition of one of St. Hubbins' favorite made-up words was promised. Here it is:
TRENDEE (Trennn-deeee): 1) One who trends, i.e. one who matches his actions with what most everyone else is doing taking no thought for himself or standard decency. 2) Often one whose monetary compensation is regularly expended on updating their fashion and music possessions once the predetermined cyclical trend shift of society dictates it. Similar to Pavlov's dogs, except mostly without the salivating. 3) One who takes no thought for individualism, only one who wants to be a pathetic sheep following the herd. 4) One whom advertisers and politicians generally target. 5) One who wakes up at the butt crack of dawn for a place in line to be the first to buy the newest iPhone. 6) One who tweets extensively. Lastly, one who follows the trend in voting for the most popular candidate without looking at qualifications, platform or principle or one who casts a straight party-line vote. One who considers not voting for the winner a wasted vote. Thanks to Trendees following the proddings of the media, our last several Presidential elections have boiled down to choosing the lesser of two evils as opposed to having an actual good candidate in place.

St. Hubbins Joining the Political Arena?

Being an avid wannabe rock star, Carsenio St. Hubbins is considering political activism as a valid way to prove he is a legitimate rock star. He struggled of course with the question of whether a true rock star would even enter the political arena. Looking at those from the musical realm who are politically active, he couldn't help but wonder if perhaps those stars are not rock stars but merely pop stars. When thinking of this distinction his mind was filled with images of Bono and Coldplay and their political stances and activism. Carsenio truthfully struggled for at least five minutes debating whether these two could be considered rock stars. According to The Carsenio St. Hubbins Dictionary (yet to be compiled and published), a rock star is defined as "one who rocks" whereas a pop star is defined as "someone who is popular who does not rock and since they are popular could by default mean they truly suck." St. Hubbins' feelings on pop culture will be addressed at some time in the future. Honestly, Carsenio does think Bono can rock and in spite of their immense popularity he still loves U2- probably the most mainstream St. Hubbins will ever go. He has to be careful though when he mentions he loves U2- he always mentions their best stuff was in the Zooropa and Pop eras when they were at their weirdest just so people don't think St. Hubbins condones U2's more mainstream efforts. With that, St. Hubbins has granted me permission to return to topic.

While struggling with whether he could be a rock star and a political activist at the same time, he remembered the example of Ted Nugent and his pro-firearm activism. Ted Nugent is one guy St. Hubbins would define a rock star in his dictionary although St. Hubbins likes his politics more than his music. Carsenio also recalled the VH1 ads with many rock and pop stars lobbying to find a cure for autism and realized if they can do it so can he. Seeing rock stars like Dio, Roger Daltrey, Dee Snyder and pop stars like KISS all doing it really drove it home for St. Hubbins.

Having now decided he will become more politically active, now all St. Hubbins needs to do is choose a platform. He will certainly not go with anything that is currently popular so you won't see St. Hubbins promoting being Green, free trade, aid for Africa or curing autism. Rather, he is going to take a more Nugentesque approach and lobby for things which could be deemed outside the box. He is considering lobbying for the reversal of NAFTA (sticking it to those free trade promoting communists also known as Coldplay), or for throwing the United Nations off our soil and turning their building into a giant outhouse for the homeless. He is also currently considering lobbying for promoting less diversity and repealing political correctness as it is growing to the point that even his breathing will soon be considered politically incorrect. Other options include developing a strain of AIDS to control the pigeon population, vaccinating children so they won't get Cooties when they go to school, and declaring Michael Moore a danger to our nation and imprisoning him at Guantanamo. Of course if you have any causes he should promote please send him your suggestions. Carsenio St. Hubbins has pledged he will consider all suggestions and promises not to mock any of them- publicly that is.

In closing, Carsenio has provided this written statement from his own napkin:
"Every unspecified time period, uncounted numbers of people or other living or non-living things have to deal with some sort of social or other type of issue which has to be stopped or promoted depending on whether it is good or bad for the unspecified parties involved, animate or inanimate. Failure on our part to stop or promote these social issues could be disastrous or beneficial to this unspecified geographical area or to the unspecified entities which reside therein. I pledge to do my part to be more active in this arena so our children can live or not live in a better unspecified geographical area. Together, or divided if the cause requires it, we or just I can initiate change or maintain the status -quo, depending on the issue. Thank you for your support, Carsenio St. Hubbins"
He has promised when he decides on a cause he will issue a more specific statement. Carsenio hopes in the meantime the above statement will suffice until he has a cause to be politically active in. Stay tuned for further updates.

St. Hubbins and the March Mustache Madness

As you may have read in Carsenio St. Hubbins' previous post, he had joined with his distinguished colleagues at work in growing mustaches. Having won the Dirty Mustache component of the competition, he went home and shaved it off- but not before sporting the mustache with some of his favorite rock poses. He is pleased to bring you some of the better gems of his recent photo session.

In the above photo, St. Hubbins is definitely feeling the flow of musical creativity his mustache is bringing. He is savoring every note coming from his black Ibanez in front of his savory bass guitar.

Above: It is not very often St. Hubbins lets you see the whites of his eyes, but through the glasses you can definitely see them. He secretely hopes the mustache will draw attention away from his eyes. If the mustache doesn't work, hopefully the fact he's standing in front of the Union Jack will distract you as you sing "Rue Britannia."

Below: St. Hubbins is very serious about maintaining a spectacular guitar tone. In this photo, he is closely inspecting his wall of sound in hopes the mustache and soul patch can make it sound sweeter. He seems quite pleased as he plays his gold Ibanez JS2000. Below, St. Hubbins offers a serious pucker for all you ladies out there. Included in the picture (assuming you can draw your eyes away from his stunning facial hair) are his electronic drum system and his triumphant guitar tripod stand.
Above: St. Hubbins offers a tender acoustic rendering of a song to win fans from the fence sitters who aren't sure if they like rock. He figures doing some acoustic will sell more albums should he ever finish an album.

It was truly a mad mustache March. St. Hubbins is grateful to everyone who made it possible for him to win the dirty mustache award at work. He is especially indebted to his genes, which provide such incredibily uneven facial hair growth for enjoyment of one and all. Until next time, Carsenio St. Hubbins wishes you well and best wishes in growing your own mustaches.