March Mustache Madness Is Upon Us

Welcome, friends, to March Mustache Madness in the Wonderful World of Carsenio St. Hubbins. Having been a longtime proponent of simulated facial hair (i.e. eyelash makeup brushed across one's face), St. Hubbins was challenged by his distinguished colleagues at his place of employment to unite with them in growing mustaches during the month of March. Being a bit of a babyface, St. Hubbins wasn't sure he could even grow a mustache. If he could, he reasoned it would likely be a "dirty 'stache." In light of the patchy growth his face is known for, St. Hubbins feared his mustache may grow in with natural bald spots and look like a Vanilla Ice haircut running across his top lip. Fear no more friends- St. Hubbins has not only grown a mustache, but it is exceedingly dirty and more solid than he could have imagined. Carsenio St. Hubbins has never been prouder- or itchier.
To add balance to the force that is his mustache, St. Hubbins elected to also grow a mustache below his lower lip. He had the dream of being able to suck in his lips and just have a massive hairry "entity" on his face where his mouth would ordinarily be. Unfortunately the facial bald spots hit him hard in the southern hemisphere of his face, so he had to settle for a soul patch. He would have considered a goatee had he been able to grow it, but alas it was not possible. Still- you should see the 'stache. It is ridiculous.
St. Hubbins was hoping to grow some nice sideburns as well, but he can only grow sideburns behind his ears unfortunately. With the mullet, you wouldn't even know the sideburns are there. In light of this fact, he really has no regret at not having good sideburns. In addition to his other facial hair options, St. Hubbins was considering growing out his nose and ear hair, just because he can. Due to the risk of fire involved with the nose-hair trimmers generating massive amounts of friction while pruning the mighty forest, he elected not to grow out his nose or ear hair at this juncture.
Being a man who never moves forward without a solid action plan (i.e. scribbling something out on a napkin a moment before doing it), St. Hubbins drew some samples of what his facial hair could look like were he to pursue these different avenues. Assuming he didn't accidentally dispose of the napkins with the rest of his fast food lunch, it is hoped he will allow the prototypes to be posted here. Do stay tuned, because true hilarity could await you if the precious drawings can be found. If nothing else, it is hoped that St. Hubbins will allow his likeness to be depicted in the form of digital photography for your viewing pleasure. It his hoped that before the month is over, there will quality imagery of the St. Hubbins 'Stache on this blog. In the meantime, Carsenio St. Hubbins wishes you all a very happy March Mustache Madness season.