St. Hubbins and the Shiny Car Initiative

Carsenio St. Hubbins has finally found his cause. In his previous posting, St. Hubbins was considering a life of political and social activism as a means of legitimizing his attempts at rock stardom. Devotees to this blog (or at least to the previous entry) will recall his desire to avoid any mainstream causes. As a result of this, he will not be doing anything pertaining to Africa, Polar Bears, Autism or other causes which either already have ample representation from the mainstream rock community or would get him invited to hang with the other Trendees at an Obama celebration. For the definition of Trendee, see the note at the end of the posting. After careful deliberation, St. Hubbins has declared his cause. From henceforth it shall be known as the "Shiny Car Initiative."

The origins of the Shiny Car Initiative are based on an agonizing experience which St. Hubbins unintentionally walked into. As he parked his car for work last week, Carsenio had no idea he had parked in a pigeon-heavy zone. Upon returning to his car after a day of fun at work, he was upset to see not just one bird-turd on his car, but upwards of ten to fifteen turds. He honestly could not number the turds as looking at them was quite painful (and nauseating) for him. Noticing the guilty parties were nowhere in sight, Carsenio was resigned to stew over the humiliation he would face driving home with a car covered in bird poo. As he shamefully commuted home, St. Hubbins realized he had found his cause- if the offending pigeons would have been eradicated previously, his car would still be shiny and he would not have to be sunken so deeply in his drivers seat (it was getting hard to see the road so great was his shame). Thus, it was determined the driving force behind the Shiny Car Initiative would be pigeon extermination.

Just like he has done with previous public stances, St. Hubbins hasn't bothered to consider the negative ramifications the Shiny Car Initiative could cause if enacted fully. He chooses not to consider any negative ramifications because when he commits to a particular side of an issue in the world of St. Hubbins, there are no negative ramifications. In his world, St. Hubbins views things mathematically. Carsenio's equations for the Shiny Car Initiative could be defined as follows:
Pigeons=Poop.
Poop + St. Hubbins' Car=Commuter Humiliation.
A Shiny Car=No Commuter Humiliation.
Therefore, No Pigeons=No Poop and thus, a Shiny Car.

St. Hubbins could care less that pigeons are not the only flying poopers out there, they just happen to be the ones who really make him mad. He has long considered pigeons to be the equivalent of flying rats. During his time in England and Wales, Carsenio noted how many of the town centres he visited were overrun with one particular type of winged fowl- pigeons. On the window ledge outside of one of his flats in England, there was a large assortment of pigeons as well as the same mementos they would later leave on his car. Conveniently at that time, St. Hubbins had a pellet gun. One might say he has already attempted pigeon eradication. It worked quite well, so Carsenio St. Hubbins can proudly declare to the whole world that he knows the Shiny Car Initiative will succeed.

As his previous posting closed with a non-specific political statement, St. Hubbins has authorized me to release a more specific (yet still somewhat non-specific) statement:
"Every unspecified time period, uncounted numbers of people have to deal with unsightly, unshiny cars. While many of them are just too lazy to wash their cars, a portion of these peoples' automobiles are tainted by uncleanliness from above- pigeon crap. Failure on our part to stop pigeon crap could be disastrous to anyone having to drive home with a dirty car and could lead to traffic accidents due to obstructed visibility due to smudged pigeon feces which the windshield wipers could not remove. I pledge to do my part to be more active in stopping pigeon crap by eradicating as many pigeons as I can. Together, we or just I can initiate shinier cars and safer roads by killing the pigeons. Thus, I am pleased to announce the formation of the Shiny Car Initiative to enact this positive social change. By pledging to this initiative you will be helping usher human society into a brave new world- a world without pigeons and all their crap. Thank you for your support, Carsenio St. Hubbins."

Further details will no doubt emerge as St. Hubbins thinks of them. For now, just take his word for it that this is going to be the coolest cause ever- until Carsenio finds something else more attractive to occupy his time with.

NOTE: As mentioned way at the top of this posting, a definition of one of St. Hubbins' favorite made-up words was promised. Here it is:
TRENDEE (Trennn-deeee): 1) One who trends, i.e. one who matches his actions with what most everyone else is doing taking no thought for himself or standard decency. 2) Often one whose monetary compensation is regularly expended on updating their fashion and music possessions once the predetermined cyclical trend shift of society dictates it. Similar to Pavlov's dogs, except mostly without the salivating. 3) One who takes no thought for individualism, only one who wants to be a pathetic sheep following the herd. 4) One whom advertisers and politicians generally target. 5) One who wakes up at the butt crack of dawn for a place in line to be the first to buy the newest iPhone. 6) One who tweets extensively. Lastly, one who follows the trend in voting for the most popular candidate without looking at qualifications, platform or principle or one who casts a straight party-line vote. One who considers not voting for the winner a wasted vote. Thanks to Trendees following the proddings of the media, our last several Presidential elections have boiled down to choosing the lesser of two evils as opposed to having an actual good candidate in place.